After an okay date with an okay girl, we walked together in silence from the bar. I offered to walk her to the metro and pointed out my apartment across the street.

She stopped walking and quickly kissed my cheek. “I really have to pee,” she jumped. “Do you mind if I come up?”

It was 11pm on a Wednesday night, but I didn’t have the heart to say no. “Sure, of course.”

I sat on the futon couch in the living room and waited patiently, thinking about the homework I’d need to finish later that night. When she came out of the bathroom, she wiped her hands on her coat and smiled coyly.

“I make really great omelettes,” she said, fiddling with the oversized buttons on her coat.

“That’s cool,” I answered, “I don’t eat eggs, though. Anyway, it’s getting pretty late. You’d better get going before the metro stops running.”

She straightened her scarf and tucked it into the wide opening of her peacoat. She turned towards the door.  “You know, when a girl offers to make you eggs in the morning, take a hint.” She closed the door behind her before I could completely process what she had just said.

I Won’t Make You Eggs in the Morning is my response to all those cheesy pick-up lines you hear. Sometimes I go on a bad date and sometimes I’m the bad date.

I may not know a lot of things about dating, but  I know I’ll never tell a girl I’ll make her eggs in the morning.