I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. Last year, I promised I would exercise, I promised to stop eating fast food, I promised to finish my coursework, I promised to do about a million things that have long left my head. On New Year’s Eve, I thought about all the resolutions I abandoned and I felt guilty.  I sipped champagne with my friends, a good 15 lbs heavier than I was the year before, ready to say goodbye to 2009.  I realized then that New Year’s resolutions (while they may work for some), do not work for me. The ones I’ve made in the past just weighed me down, filling me with guilt and regret.

2009 was a rough year, particularly for my health (this is not related to my broken resolution to avoid fast food, I promise).  At the beginning of the year, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I spent the rest of the year trying to get my condition under control and resigning to the fact that this would consume my life.

This is not a *boo hoo* rant, trust me. I’m grateful to finally have a name for my condition. In college, I’d have major stomach issues for months at a time.  TheEx would always lose patience about a month into a flare-up and tell me to just suck it up and deal with it. But now, now my condition has a name. It’s not made-up-imaginary-stomach-problem, it’s Ulcerative Colitis and it’s real. My condition affects everything. It has become an imaginary third person in the relationships that I’ve had, controlling my plans on many occasions. It’s been a big adjustment, but I’m finally adjusting to my new routine, my new life, my new companion.

2009 was about loss. Losing routine, losing love, losing focus,  and losing my way.  A lot of my friends seemed to be dealt the same cards and we spent 2009 laying low,  just waiting for the year to end. Celebrities that I grew up watching on television died left and right, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and uneasy about death in general.

2010 will be about putting out positivity in the world when I can. 2010 will be about generosity and good deeds.  I won’t set a minimum or maximum, I won’t get caught up in the specifics. I’m just going to make a mental note to myself about what I want this year to be about.

That’s good enough for me.

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3 Comments » Posted: January 5th 2010
Filed under: Random Thoughts
Tagged In: happy new year's, new year's resolutions