I am not ashamed to say that I see a therapist. Some people are embarrassed that they see one, but I’m actually quite comfortable saying I do. After all, I think I’m fairly fortunate to be able to talk to someone objective about my odd life.

Today’s session was sort of random. I didn’t really have anything I wanted to talk about, so I rambled on about various topics until one stuck out. I told her I had a conversation last week with my mother about my upcoming birthday.  She told me that she had me when she was my age (25) and for some reason that really stuck with me. I began thinking about how old my mom seemed when I was younger and then realized  I’m the same age she was when she had me. It’s a very jilting feeling.

One of the first memories I have is of my grandpa passing away when I was about 5. By then, my mom was only 30 and suddenly the idea of losing my parents has become very tangible and scary. Apparently this common for people my age to feel.

Not only that, I’m beginning to feel pressure to be something more. For some time now, I’ve felt like a wanderer. TheEx, on the other hand, had big dreams and tons of ambition. She pushed me to achieve the dreams she thought I should achieve, but without her here, I feel like I’m just drifting along. I’m supposed to be a grown up now. I’m supposed to be start making a name for myself by now, right?

I feel so ill-prepared. I don’t feel like a grown up quite yet. But I think this is what the quarter life crisis is all about.

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2 Comments » Posted: September 23rd 2009
Filed under: Random Thoughts
Tagged In: birthday, death, quarter life crisis, worrying about the unbearable lightness of being