It was after 9pm when the Hot Mess called me. It took me a bit to figure out it was her, but when she mentioned Tori Amos my face lit up. “Any plans tonight?” she cooed. “Thought we could finish our conversation about Tori Amos.” “No plans,” I explained. “Whatcha wanna do?” She sighed. “Not [...]
Monday is my birthday, but I don’t feel any older. I’m not sure what I think 26 should feel like…maybe a Zach Braff movie? I never planned on coming back to Hawaii after college. It wasn’t my dream–theEx sort of bullied me into it when she decided on going to law school in Hawaii even [...]
I sleep on a bed with no frame. The box spring is still wrapped in plastic and when I roll around too much in my sleep, I wake up with the mattress at least several inches from where it’s supposed to be. On those mornings, I forget where I am.
I’m not the kind of person that gets noticed in a bar or club. Nobody locks eyes with me from across the room and lets me buy them a drink. I’m not a particularly good dancer (in fact, I’m so awful that I avoid dancing completely), so nobody notices me on the dance floor and [...]
I am not ashamed to say that I see a therapist. Some people are embarrassed that they see one, but I’m actually quite comfortable saying I do. After all, I think I’m fairly fortunate to be able to talk to someone objective about my odd life. Today’s session was sort of random. I didn’t really [...]
I Won’t Make You Eggs in the Morning is my response to all those cheesy pick-up lines you hear. Sometimes I go on a bad date and sometimes I’m the bad date.
I may not know a lot of things about dating, but I know I’ll never tell a girl I’ll make her eggs in the morning.
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I'm friendly--feel free to email me at iwontmakeyoueggs@gmail.com!